Coming up

It’s probably obvious that my writing patterns have changed a bit, since I was single and started this blog. I used to write 1-2 posts a week, often posting a new one on Saturday mornings.

Now, I’ve been with Andrew for over a year, and I’m writing less.

This is for a few reasons.

Firstly, I’m seeing more of Andrew, which is great, but eats into my writing time.

He started a new job a couple of months ago, working much nearer me. Now, instead of seeing each other about once a week, he comes round to mine a lot more, and it’s more like 3 times a week. Also, if we’re both free at the weekend, we’re more likely to spend the whole weekend together, instead of just part of it.

I used to write in the evenings, and at weekends. I’m going to try and find a new routine. When I was living with Flatmate Joe, sometimes I’d sit and work on my blog in the living room while he played on his Playstation. I want to spend less time titting around on my phone, when I am alone, and more time both reading and writing.

Secondly, when I was single and going on different dates with different guys, there were clearly defined events to write about. Now, if Andrew comes around at 11pm after work, and we chat and then go to bed, it’s less obvious how to make that into an interesting post. I like writing stories about whole things that have happened, or ideas or concepts that have come up, and sometimes that takes longer.

Also, more recently, I’ve been struggling with work, which has affected my energy levels and motivation.

One of my friends asked me if I thought I’d keep going with this blog, now I’m in a relationship.

I want to! I find it helpful to put my feelings into order. I often feel much better by the time I’ve got to the end of writing a post. I like reading people’s comments.

I love the way that everyone seems very Team Andrew. It makes me feel proud of him.

He knows about the blog, and although he’s curious, he thinks it’s best he doesn’t read it. (I also think it’s best he doesn’t read it.)

Also, I love writing, and my dream is, one day, to do slightly less therapy, and instead write part time for a living. I’ve written a novel and am looking at getting it published, and I’m about to start my second one.

When people say nice things about my writing on here, I find it very encouraging and it keeps me going. (Although I’m not sure how much writing my blog takes me away from writing my novel.)

So, I do plan to carry on, and hope people keep on reading it.

These are posts I’m currently planning to write, or already working on:

  • pulling together people’s responses to the survey about what love is, from ages ago
  • a post about a couple weekends from May and June, which I always planned to come back to. This covers my one year anniversary with Andrew (which was a bit disappointing), and the following weekend, when we talked about potentially getting married
  • a post about whether the Whippersnapper and I actually meet up, to get ‘closure’
  • more Retro Data Analysis posts with extracts from my old diaries

As a more of an update, obviously, in my last post, I wrote about how I was feeling anxious after working with a lot of sexual trauma at work.

I had a week off last week. I’m still dreaming about work every night, but not having nightmares. I still feel really jumpy and on edge all the time, but probably less than before. I feel a bit more sad and flat, but less anxious. I feel more sick, but sex feels good again.

I’m trying to work out how to get past this. I’m thinking about having some EMDR therapy, although it’ll probably be quite expensive. I’m also thinking about other jobs, so I can still be a therapist and do the stuff I love, but without feeling so ground down.

2 thoughts on “Coming up

  1. Definitely keep writing. I feel the same way, but now I have to juggle making a living as a freelance writer (as opposed to a professional writer who gets a fortnightly wage), so the blog is even harder for me to keep up with, especially as my posts often take a lot of research and a clear head. I love your blog and also eavesdropping on your thought processes and experiences. Great that Andrew knows as well, I haven’t got that far yet – my beloved only knows about the book (manuscript), on which my blog is based.

    Like

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