This is an entry from my diary, when I was 13. The 20-year-old guy I had been seeing wrote me a letter ending things. I wrote a meticulous account of saying goodbye to him.
“This morning I got a letter from Ben saying he thought we should split up. I cried as soon as I read it. I’m so glad Becky and Natalie were there. Becky cried a bit too, because she said she didn’t like seeing me upset.
We milled around [our home town] all day and I tried not to think about him, but then at 6.30pm I phoned him to say I had got the letter and to ask if I could see him one more time.
He said to meet him at the Old Infant School at 8.30pm. I had a shower before I went.
As I got to the top of the road, I saw him in the distance. He was wearing his Underworld T-shirt. When I was in earshot he said Hi to me. Then we stood next to each other and he said “Sorry.”
“What for?” I said.
“You know,” he replied.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’d rather you did what you did, than you went to University and I spent the whole time thinking ‘Is he being faithful to me?'” I said.
“That’s what I thought. Long distance relationships don’t work.”
Then walked down the street talking about stuff. Then we reached the shop that used to be the Greengrocer and he said, “Well, I’d better go to the pub then.”
He said I could write to him, he’d send me his address.
“You’ve got to promise me you’ll never forget me,” I said. “Obviously I’ll never forget you.”
He said, “Well, it was nice knowing you.”
I leaned towards him, to hug him, but he thought I was going to kiss him, and said, “it’s not a good idea, because we’re like splitting up. Sorry.”
“OK.” I said.
Then he turned around to go.
“Bye,” he said.
“Bye,” I replied.
As I walked back down the hill, I turned around to see him one last time.
Words cannot describe how much I miss him. I’d be exaggerating if I said I loved him, but only a bit!
He also said that he saw me outside his house yesterday. That is just mortifying.
I cried so much. I can’t believe it’s over!
Becky has been SO excellent. I’ll never forget it.
Oh, I don’t know what to do. I feel so pointless now.
He is so excellent. I’ll never forget him.”