This is an entry from my diary, when I was 13. The 20-year-old guy I had been seeing wrote me a letter ending things. I wrote a meticulous account of saying goodbye to him.
“This morning I got a letter from Ben saying he thought we should split up. I cried as soon as I read it. I’m so glad Becky and Natalie were there. Becky cried a bit too, because she said she didn’t like seeing me upset.
We milled around [our home town] all day and I tried not to think about him, but then at 6.30pm I phoned him to say I had got the letter and to ask if I could see him one more time.
He said to meet him at the Old Infant School at 8.30pm. I had a shower before I went.
As I got to the top of the road, I saw him in the distance. He was wearing his Underworld T-shirt. When I was in earshot he said Hi to me. Then we stood next to each other and he said “Sorry.”
“What for?” I said.
“You know,” he replied.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’d rather you did what you did, than you went to University and I spent the whole time thinking ‘Is he being faithful to me?'” I said.
“That’s what I thought. Long distance relationships don’t work.”
Then walked down the street talking about stuff. Then we reached the shop that used to be the Greengrocer and he said, “Well, I’d better go to the pub then.”
He said I could write to him, he’d send me his address.
“You’ve got to promise me you’ll never forget me,” I said. “Obviously I’ll never forget you.”
He said, “Well, it was nice knowing you.”
I leaned towards him, to hug him, but he thought I was going to kiss him, and said, “it’s not a good idea, because we’re like splitting up. Sorry.”
“OK.” I said.
Then he turned around to go.
“Bye,” he said.
“Bye,” I replied.
As I walked back down the hill, I turned around to see him one last time.
Words cannot describe how much I miss him. I’d be exaggerating if I said I loved him, but only a bit!
He also said that he saw me outside his house yesterday. That is just mortifying.
I cried so much. I can’t believe it’s over!
Becky has been SO excellent. I’ll never forget it.
Oh, I don’t know what to do. I feel so pointless now.
He is so excellent. I’ll never forget him.”
Dater Analysis 
I’m really curious about this relationship! What is the legal age there? Over here someone 18 or over can get into serious trouble dating someone under 18.
And I just cannot imagine a 20 year old being interested in a 13 year old. Wow. When I was 13 I hadn’t even gone through puberty yet! Haha
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I know! I’m really curious too, when I look back!
What was he DOING!
The age of consent here is 16, and these days, it’s the same – an adult would get into serious trouble for having sex with someone under 16.
I talked to Andrew about this and he said if it happened now, and the police found out he was dating a 13-year-old, they’d probably think he’s a paedophile and might seize his computer to see if he has child porn.
These days people in the UK are obsessed with paedophiles but this relationship must have taken place just a few years before that obsession kicked off.
I really don’t think he was a paedophile – it’s a weird one but I think I did just look way older than I was at 13! I still have clothes that fit me now from when I was 13 and look similar, just a bit more wizened!
He never did anything apart from kissing me and I really think this brief relationship had an overall positive effect on my self esteem, as he was one of the first people to fancy me and the boys at school said really horrible things about my appearance.
The only bad effect I can see is that he already had a girlfriend and I internalised a lot of shame about betraying her.
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It’s really great that this relationship had such a positive impact on your self-esteem. 🙂 And since you only kissed, nothing inappropriate happened as far as I’m concerned!
I still think it’s odd that a 20 year old would be interested in someone so young but – you’re right – it’s possible you just looked older than your age. Did he know you were just 13?
Mars’ brother’s daughter is 13 and looks like an adult – it’s crazy! But she went through puberty really early at about 9 years old…..
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