At the moment, dating-wise, I have fingers in so many pies, I can’t remember who is who!
It feels really good to be excited about dating again, and doing it for the right reasons. Hopefully it won’t be long before I get some fingers in my pie.
This post is purely to help me keep on top of my sex admin and remind me who is who.
The Da Vinci Coder
Job: software developer
Introduction: OkCupid. We matched when I was idly scrolling through profiles, while very bored and annoyed, waiting for my flight home from Portugal.
He sent a message saying “hello hello! Pleased to meet you!” and we started chatting. He didn’t seem to read his messages before sending them, to the point they were sometimes incomprehensible.
But he seemed fun – the day after my holiday, I said I had black tea because I had out of milk but was too lazy to go to the shop.
He later asked if I’d been to the shop yet and said “think of all the delicious tea you can have!” which I liked.
He suggested going out and I said I was free on Monday. Then I read back through his profile as I couldn’t quite remember which one he was.
God. There is A LOT about coding and video games.
Every question on OkCupid, he had managed to relate back to video games and coding.
His self-summary said he liked coding and video games.
For “What I’m good at…” he put coding.
For “6 things I couldn’t live without..” he included his computer and video games.
For “I spend a lot of time thinking about…” he put “coding.”
For “On a typical Friday night, I am…” he put “Hanging with friends, playing video games or coding on one of my side projects.”
It’s nice when someone is passionate about something. But that is a LOT about coding and video games.
I’m very much not a computer game person. I have nothing against them, but I can hardly tell you the name of a computer game, apart from Pacman.
Once, at uni, we had a house party where everyone dressed up as computer game characters. I didn’t have a clue, so I just sellotaped playing cards to myself and said I was solitaire.
Then, one evening, he sent me a message saying he was “so tired”. I took a whole day to reply, because it wasn’t especially interesting. Eventually, the following evening, I said “me too, I’m really tired.”
He then replied “so tired you’ve been asleep since yesterday :p.”
I thought that seemed like a passive aggressive dig at how long I’d taken to reply. (I also find whenever anyone uses the emoticon that is a colon and a ‘p’, they tend to have just said something annoying :p.)
This was especially annoying as it was the same day I realised I was being ghosted by Mauve Man. It’s annoying to be ghosted by one person and then bollocked by another for not responding quickly enough.
I didn’t know if I was reading too much into one message but I felt less and less enthusiastic about meeting him. We had arranged to see each other on the Monday. We didn’t text each other all weekend, so I was kind of hoping we had both gone off the idea.
Then, Monday lunchtime he messaged me apologising for being too busy to text over the weekend, and asked whether it was too short notice to meet up now.
Ah, bless him.
I had just got my period and was already feeling like an elephant had its foot on my uterus, so I said “maybe if we’ve both had busy weekends, we should skip it for now. Plus I’ve got stomach cramps so probably just need to hang out with a water bottle tonight.”
I asked what his weekend had been busy with, to show willing. He said he’d been teaching teenage girls to code, as part of a scheme to get more women into science and engineering.
“Oh, smashing the patriarchy from within, good for you!”
I’m not saying I was talking about periods and feminism to put him off, but I was saying things I knew might not be massive crowd-pleasers, and I was OK with that.
The Chilean Lecturer
Introduction: OkCupid. His opening gambit was very good. He recognised the obscure song lyric in my profile, asked about my job and said he liked two of my favourite TV shows.
We talked about TV and our jobs, then I said something about him being from Chile, which it said in his profile. I said I’d always wanted to go there, after reading a book set in Chile at school, which made big impression.
He asked what book it was.
I hesitated before answering “It was ‘Talking in Whispers’ – it’s about people living under General Pinochet. I hope it’s not inappropes to bring this up!)
I never know how soon is too soon to bring up General Pinochet in a dating app chat.
It could be a bit of a boner-killer to remind someone of the time thousands of his fellow countrymen were tortured and executed.
He seemed OK with it though, and suggested we talk about it face to face. I’m meeting him next Friday.
The Salsa-dancing Policeman
Introduction: OkCupid. Again – strong opening gambit. He also recognised the obscure song lyric on my profile and said the next line, with some accompanying jolly comments.
I think this guy is the best messager of the pack at the moment. He sends quite long messages that are short enough not to be overwhelming, and asks good questions. He seems interested in my job but so far hasn’t treated me like his own therapist.
His profile said he was a “civil servant who works for the Home Office” but when I asked about this, he revealed he is actually a policeman, but he’s careful who he reveals that to. I felt privileged.
I haven’t ever imagined being with a policeman – I’m not sure I’m the right person. I did used to work with criminals, but in a nursing role. I think if I saw a street urchin stealing an apple, I’d want to buy them a hot meal rather than report them (and then I would try and work out how to get back to London in 2017 and out of the Charles Dickens book I seem to be in).
I think the police do a great job, and we need them, and they work really hard. However, if I had to make a massive sweeping generalisation about an entire profession, I might assume a police officer could be more authoritarian and right-wing than I am.
When I texted a friend about the current shortlist, and mentioned the policeman, she said “oh cool, do you think he’s institutionally racist?”
He said he loves his job and got into it because he wanted to help people. He seems like a good egg.
One evening I mentioned my salsa class, and he said he did salsa when he was a kid, and he lived in Cuba.
I said “Woah. Wait. You lived in Cuba?!” I then couldn’t stop myself writing several messages about ‘Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights’ – one of the worst films of all time, and a firm favourite of mine.
We’re going out on Monday.
The Tattooed Italian Nurse
Introduction: OkCupid. I wasn’t sure whether to match with him or not, as I wasn’t sure how much we had in common. OkCupid said we were only a 74% match (lots of people are in the high 90s) and the way he described himself in his profile didn’t seem my cup of tea. He kept putting a space before his full stops and commas . No .
However, from his photos he looked absolutely beautiful.
I haven’t had sex since May. MAY. In my post about Mauve Man, Lauren Rorschach from Back in Stilettos Again wrote in the comments that he had cleared the cobwebs, as he was the first man to make me feel enthusiastic about sex in a long time, and I think she was absolutely right.
Now, I think I might need someone to literally clear my vaginal cobwebs with his penis, and the Tattooed Italian Nurse might be the man to do it.
Late Night IT
Job: Project Manager in IT for a Bank
Introduction: We matched on Tinder, which I don’t use that often. He sent me a message saying “Nice photos” and we started chatting. It turned out he went to university in the same city I used to live in.
He often seems to text me very late at night or very early in the morning, saying he’s been working on a deadline.
He seems nice and asks good questions, but he’s another one I’m not sure I have loads in common with. He is incredibly handsome. I’d be fine with him clearing my gynaecological cobwebs as well.
The Cinema Texter
There was also another guy who seemed really sweet, who I was chatting to quite a lot, but then this happened:
We chatted later but it wasn’t the same.
I must be more of a stickler for the rules than I thought!
Maybe I will be the right person for the Salsa Cop after all!