Mauve Man 

On my travels on Tinder, I’ve come across this absolutely lush guy.

We’ve been chatting and haven’t pinned down a date but I’m feeling really excited about him! 

On his profile it says “show me something mauve and I’ll take you anywhere you want.”

At that exact moment I was lying underneath a purple blanket. I know mauve is a shade of purple but I’m not totally sure what shade it is. I was also wearing a black and purple skirt and dark purple tights.

I sent him a message saying I was lying under a mauve blanket.

He said “I’m going to need some sort of proof.”

I said “If we exchange numbers so I can text you a mauve photo, do you promise to keep your penis out of my inbox (unless otherwise instructed?)”

He promised.

We moved over to Whatsapp, and he was true to his word.

I sent him this picture:


He said my blanket was probably purple rather than mauve, but agreed there was mauve in there somewhere.

“Ok, where do you want to go?” He said.

We tried to decide where the mauvest place in London is. He lives in south London so I said “maybe Lavender Sweep in Clapham.”

We’ve been chatting a bit all week.

He looks seriously hot from his photos. 

We haven’t met yet, and I’m trying not to get ahead of myself, but I really fancy him! 

And it’s made me realise I haven’t really properly fancied anyone since the Whippersnapper.

I must have felt a version of this for the Bearded South African Man and Mike, but it wasn’t like this.

It feels like we have great chemistry over text. Whenever he texts me I feel so excited.

It feels so great so feel like this again!

We had only been sending a few messages per day, but then on Thursday it seemed to crank up a notch. He was texting me while on a night out and quite drunk.


I couldn’t do Friday night, but suggested Saturday which he couldn’t do.

On Friday morning I was getting dressed and realised my underwear was mauve. I asked him if he wanted to see a photo, and he did. 

He was very sweet and complimentary about my photo (he sent the emoji with 2 hearts for eyes).

All day on Friday we were texting each other at work. We were asking and answering lots of questions about ourselves. 

He is in his late 20s, so a little bit younger than me. He lives with friends and works in finance. He seems really into sport and pretty sociable. He comes across like a nice guy – interested and quite confident. He’s a bit flirty. He’s probably a bit quirky (e.g. the mauve thing) but I wonder if he’s keeping his quirkiness levels down at the moment.

On Friday evening I still hadn’t replied to his last message because I was out with work friends, and he sent a follow-up saying he couldn’t stop looking at the photo I’d sent him.

On Saturday I was driving somewhere I don’t know and totally relying on the sat nav. I kept coming up to junctions and realising I had no idea what the sat nav had said as I was too busy thinking about having sex with Mauve Man.

Normally, I can tell exactly where the egg is in my Fallopian tube by the frequency of my sex daydreams. For about 26 days a month I’m a normal human, and then for 2 days, when I ovulate, I turn into a female Russell Brand.

But yesterday, it definitely wasn’t Egg Day and yet my thoughts were right in the gutter. 

I know we might not even get around to arranging a date, or he might not be anything like what I’ve imagined, but I’m so enjoying this.

To be honest, I don’t care if it doesn’t work out (ok, maybe I care a bit). I’m just so glad to feel excited like this again.

It feels like a massive, healing step forward.

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11 thoughts on “Mauve Man 

  1. I like his creativity! And I love that you’re feeling sparks once again for someone other than WS!

    BTW, mauve is like a dusty pink-ish purple. It’s a god-awful color! Long ago I actually refused to rent an apartment that was perfect except for the mauve carpet.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. He sounds so quirky and what a fun way to start getting to know each other: through the color mauve. I agree with Lauren that it’s such a bland color. Purple is my favorite and I love your blanket and skirt!!

    What a delight to feel excitement! Yay!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: The Mauve Slide-show | Dater Analysis

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