A few weeks ago, it was pancake day. Andrew and I arranged he would come to mine, and we’d make pancakes together (we actually did it on Ash Wednesday because of his shifts). We agreed he’d come around at about 8.00pm. We had this conversation about traditional pancakes ingredients, during the day. I got annoyed…
I was delighted after the long-awaited declaration of love. The morning after Andrew said it, we were hugging and chatting in bed. “I love you,” I said. “Do you feel loved?” “Yeah,” he replied. “What does it feel like?” He thought for a moment, and then said, “Unfamiliar.” I thought that was sad. I wasn’t…
I’ve just realised how often I start posts with “well, I’ve been feeling VERY emotional over the last week.” I think it’s partly because I’m quite dramatic. Dramatic things do seem to happen to me, but I also make a little bit of drama go a long way. Also, as a therapist, I ask people…
It’s been two weeks since I went back to my old house, which caught fire in 2012. I’ve felt absolutely shattered. It’s given me a new appreciation for how tiring it must be for my patients, confronting trauma. I’m still feeling quite on edge and unsettled. I keep thinking for a split second that things…
Last weekend was a very emotional one. It was the anniversary of the fire that killed my ex-boyfriend. I went back to our house for the first time since 2012. The first anniversary after the fire, in 2013, I went and stayed with my parents and felt miserable. After that, I was with Matthew for…
I’ve had my contraceptive implant taken out last week, and within a day and a half, I already felt so much better. As I wrote in a previous post, I decided to get it removed because of the effect it was having on my mood. It was a bit of a palaver to arrange. I…
My most recent posts have been quite dramatic, about things like near relationship-breakups and suicidal thoughts. This weekend I had a really nice, quiet weekend with Andrew, and I realised that’s exactly what I need to write about. I’ve still been feeling very ill with the flu. It’s been three weeks now. I had nearly…
A diary entry from when I was 15. Skim through the convoluted bit about who is spending the evening where. I’m starting the year a bit miserably. I’m still upset about what happened last night. I was meant to be spending the evening with Becky and James. Natalie and Louise were going to a party…
Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about Millennium New Year’s Eve. It felt like a pivotal moment in my life. It’s been on my mind partly because it was New Year’s Eve the other week, and partly because things with Andrew have brought up similar feelings. I’ll do a Retro Dater Analysis post with my…
In this post, I’m going to write about something that’s hard to talk about. I considered not covering this, because it’s taboo and I just want to gloss over it. But then, part of the reason I have this blog, is to write about things that aren’t talked about enough. When I’ve written about sexual…
Many years ago, I had my wisdom teeth out. They had grown at an angle that made them very difficult to remove (they had to drill all the way down to the roots, and cut them in half, lengthways) so I had the option of having it done under conscious sedation, which I took. It’s…
I’m sorry I haven’t posted for so long. First, I was having building work in my flat, which took over my life for a couple of weeks, then it was Christmas, and I didn’t have a spare minute to myself until New Years’ Day. On top of that, I’ve been feeling really down and found…
A couple of weeks ago, L-word-gate happened with Andrew. I told him I love him, and he hasn’t said it back. I’ve gone back and forth between distraught and actually happy about how it has turned out. We’ve talked a lot, and some of the things he has said are better than “I love you.”…
One of the first blog posts I wrote was about a horrible experience I had, after sleeping with a guy. Daniel was the first guy I met after becoming single. He had a lot of mental health problems. The night we slept together was a bit of a rollercoaster, with him being really nice to…
*Apologies for taking so long to write this post. It’s been tricky to write, and there have been several iterations of it over the last week.* On Monday morning, last week, I said, “I love you,” to Andrew, and he didn’t say it back. I had stayed over at his on the Sunday night. It…
