One of the first blog posts I wrote was about a horrible experience I had, after sleeping with a guy. Daniel was the first guy I met after becoming single. He had a lot of mental health problems. The night we slept together was a bit of a rollercoaster, with him being really nice to…
*Apologies for taking so long to write this post. It’s been tricky to write, and there have been several iterations of it over the last week.* On Monday morning, last week, I said, “I love you,” to Andrew, and he didn’t say it back. I had stayed over at his on the Sunday night. It…
Yesterday I had a very stressful day! Most days, Andrew phones me when he’s on his way home from work. It’s often around 11pm, and we chat about our days while he’s on the bus, and I’m usually getting ready for bed. Then, when he reaches his flat, he has to end the call, because…
This is an extract from my diary, when I was 17. For a few months, every time I tried to lose my virginity and have sex with my boyfriend, it didn’t work because I had vaginismus – the anxiety made my vagina involuntarily clamp shut. “It was Rob’s and my 6 month anniversary yesterday. We…
This weekend, Andrew is cleaning his flat. This is more momentous than it sounds. It’s partly a consequence of me giving him some tough love, earlier in the week. His place has been gradually getting worse, since we met, and now, it looks like something you’d see on a Channel 4 documentary. There’s stuff absolutely…
I’ve been going out with Andrew for a while now, and I thought I’d write about the good and bad points of shagging a detective. Pro: he knows all the laws On our third date, I said to him, “so, do you know, like, all the laws?” He said that, at least when he was…
Last weekend Andrew and I had our first weekend away together. It was pretty amazing. I think it was the best weekend away with a boy that I’ve ever had. Some things that happened: He got conjunctivitis and we spent ages trying to buy conjunctivitis cream We had sex in a bunker on a cliff…
Things are going well with Andrew. I love him. It’s really great dating someone in your thirties. We’ve learnt from our past relationships, we know what we want, and we can be honest about it. We’re mature enough to be open and straightforward about our feelings, without playing games. It’s great. But there’s no fucking…
This is an extract from my diary, when I was 17. Rob was my boyfriend, and had been since May. I had had depression and low self esteem a bit earlier in my teens, and he had OCD and health anxiety. ‘I don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether to stay with Rob.…
It’s been a shit week. My friend Faith’s Dad died, and it was his funeral this week. I feel so sorry for her, she’s going through an awful time at the moment. I went back to my home town for the funeral, and stayed with my older brother, as he also lives there. I still…
There are some things I thought were important in potential boyfriend, but now I’ve realised they aren’t. Or at least that it’s more complicated than that. I thought it was a deal-breaker that we had the same taste in music. I also thought it was crucial that we had the same taste in TV. I…
The last few weeks have been an emotional… not rollercoaster, that seems too strong. It hasn’t been that bad. But it’s been an emotional teacups ride. I had the birthday of my dead ex-boyfriend, and I got the contraceptive implant, which was a slight ordeal. Plus, there has trouble in paradise with Andrew, and now…
Andrew and I are having the most amazing sex. I think it’s the best sex I’ve ever had, but I do always think that, unless it’s clearly terrible. I think a lot of the qualities that make sex good are so abstract and intangible, it’s hard to compare really good sex I had yesterday with…
The last week or so, I’ve been a bit of a shambles. I had annual leave last week, which was supposed to stop me feeling so burnt out at work. I love my job, but lots of my colleagues and I are feeling like we’re cracking under the pressure in the NHS. We spend all…
